I recently received a question from a reader who signed his email simply D. He has recently gotten to know a Flight Attendant, and was already experiencing how difficult it was working out schedules and locations.
He asks —
Q. How do couples with a FA or pilot partner survive such a lifestyle in the beginning of their relationship as well as during their married life? How are their schedules made? Are they all made at the last minute depending on reservations?
A. This is a great question! Relationships with a Flight Attendant, and their crazy schedule, hours, and lifestyle, can be a challenge for the non-crew side of the relationship. Flight Attendants are quick to understand, appreciate, commiserate, and accommodate another Flight Attendant’s schedule. Even when that person is at a different airline, we “get” the issues. When you don’t come from the business, it will take you some time.
Far be it from me to give relationship and dating advice, but here are some things to consider if you’re getting involved with someone in our business.
The scheduling side of things varies by airlines, but involves a process where Flight Attendants bid for their schedule based on seniority. If you’ve been around awhile, you’ll hold more desirable trips and days off. If you are at the bottom of the food chain, you may find yourself sitting reserve. Reserve is when you don’t have a fixed schedule for the month, but are waiting for scheduling to call you to cover a sick call, misconnect, or some other scheduling problem. It doesn’t matter if you’re just sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner, if you get the call on reserve, you put on your uniform and go. We generally know our schedules for a month at a time, or about 6 weeks out at most.
On top of the scheduling process, is the ability to trade trips around. This means that you can always try to better your schedule. Again, the more senior you are, the more someone will be interested in trading. But regardless, it can seem to the outsider like your schedule is always in flux and never settled. This can drive people crazy!
You need to ask yourself if you can handle this flexible schedule, and wait out the period of time that it takes for a partner to become senior enough to hold a good schedule. Someone in a 9-5, Monday-Friday, job may have problems with this. On the other hand, relationships can be easier to balance when at least one person has a more consistent schedule. Be honest about how flexible you really are.
Another question to ask yourself is if having a partner available on weekends and holidays is a deal breaker. If it is, you need to have a long talk about scheduling. For many Flight Attendants it can be years before they hold weekends off, and sometimes a decade or so to hold Christmas off. If you can adjust your thinking about what’s a weekend, and learn to celebrate holidays on the road or on different days, you can make it work.
For many people, travel is exotic and exciting. When you have to deal with a partner’s travel schedule it may be more frustrating. It’s nice to have someone to talk to when you come home, and if no one is home, you have to be careful not to take it out on the absentee partner. When they do come home, they’ll be tired and exhausted. They need time to breath and relax before you hit them with information about car trouble, the cat at the vet, the dryer needs to be repaired, and asking if they paid the electric bill. You’re ready for conversation and interaction. They’ve been doing it for days, and just need a little personal space.
Finally, you need to ask yourself if you are a jealous person. We work with lots of people and we form relationships. When we are on the job, we must rely on our working partners to have our back – and sometimes that can mean saving our life. We’re close. And while there certainly are relationships that form in the workplace, in the vast majority of situations, we’re just good friends. Is it going to bug you if you find out your partner is having dinner with a co-worker? If they’re not at the crew hotel, are you going to jump to conclusions, or are you going to understand that any number of things could happen that could result in them being at a different hotel. Or even a different city. Can you deal with not being able to talk to your partner without worrying that they’re cheating on you? Jealousy and jumping to conclusions can just get ugly.
I wish you well, and hope you find happiness with your Flight Attendant.
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